Posted on 30. Mar, 2010 by Jay Timms in Blog, Communication, Parenting, Relationships, School Years, Teens, Visit Our Blog
I have never been accused of being politically correct. This is one of those times. Buckle up and let’s take a look at what it means to be a man.
Being a dad sucks. Some days things are absolutely perfect, and then others you feel like your heart is being sucked out of your eyeballs. But we are dads.
I want to take a second and talk to all the dads out there about our jobs. Not what we get paid for. What we are designed for. What we are driven to do. I think that many of us have lost the essence of what it means to be a real dad. In the 40’s and 50’s Beaver Cleaver” era, there was a stereotype of what it meant to be a man. I am sad to say that I think that that stereotype exists today. Dad’s work and leave the kids for the women to take care of. Something that makes me sad is the number of dads who come out to my seminars when I present on how to raise teenagers. It has been my experience that more often than not, my seminars are filled with women with a smattering of men sprinkled in. These men become absolute rock stars because the women in the room are ALWAYS looking at them thinking, “What an awesome man”. They could be butt ugly, but every woman in the room looks at them with respect and googly eyes wondering how “she” got “him”. When I ask these lonely women where their partners are, I often will get a shrug, and a “He couldn’t make it” or some other excuse. He couldn’t make it? He couldn’t take 2 hours out of his life to come and learn how to create a relationship that can be one of the most fulfilling things in the world? Guys! Come on! Don’t you DARE send your child to me and say, “They have problems. Can you please fix them?” No, I can’t. I won’t do it because they aren’t the ones that are broken.
I absolutely plead with you, dads…recognize how much you children need you. They need you. We as fathers have a solemn responsibility to love and care for our children. It is a privilege to be given the opportunity to take these little spirits and help them to become the most amazing creations. They need you to lead them, guide them, and walk beside them, teaching them everything you know. They cannot do it without you. When you look at your daughter in her gymnastics class, or your son on the football field, recognize that you have created this bundle of bones. They are yours. They are the most valuable thing that you will ever have in your lives because long after you are gone, they will be all that left of you here.
When your son says goodnight to you and tells you how much he loves you, it is because he does. If your children don’t tell you that they love you, check and see how much you are saying it to them. Stop being uncomfortable with being an active part of their lives. It is NOT acceptable to be non-existent in their lives any more. You want to know why your kids don’t listen to you or why they talk back? Because you haven’t given them a reason to respect you. “My kids listen to me because they know who is boss”. That is a bunch of crap. Your kids listen to you because they are scared of you. Not because you give them a reason to want to listen to you.
Come on boys! It is time to re-define what it means to be a man. Drop the bravado and the macho attitude and get down on the floor and play with the Barbie’s. Put your arm around your teenage son and tell him how you know what it is like to have your heart broken. Be what they need. Be a man.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING
A TRIBUTE TO SINGLE MOMS
A message every adult should read because children are watching you
and doing as you do, not as you say.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting
on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I
learned that it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake
for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special
things in life.
When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I
knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to
trust in Him.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it
to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help
take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house
and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we
are given.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your
responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that
I would have to be responsible when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted
to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons
that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow
up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to
say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't
looking.
-Author Unknown
A message every adult should read because children are watching you
and doing as you do, not as you say.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting
on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I
learned that it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake
for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special
things in life.
When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I
knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to
trust in Him.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it
to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help
take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house
and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we
are given.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your
responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that
I would have to be responsible when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted
to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons
that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow
up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to
say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't
looking.
-Author Unknown
WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2.. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring..
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot
2.. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball..
2. Mom.. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long..
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair.. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2.. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring..
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot
2.. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball..
2. Mom.. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long..
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair.. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
"to the Lil'"injun" boy" by Shamir Griffin, age 20
To that Lil' "injun" boy, who's heritage came from two races.
Whose true name left question marks on other black faces.
To that Lil' "injun" boy, Who hurt his knee learning Crow Hop,
Being told by others that he should listen to Hip Hop.
To that lil' "injun" boy who gave up pow wows because they
Were for "real indians", The kind his grandmother had been.
The Type that had Been painted "red" by the media.
To that Lil' "injun" boy Who was neither a noble warrior or
a savage, Whose "mestizo" blood swayed more in one direction
than the other.
To that "Black" boy who had never fit in with the "others" who
shared his history. To that lil "black" boy who spoke a language
that was not the one of his forefathers, And would serve as a constant
reminder of who he wasn't, Neither African or Indian.
Not white, but "white washed" Where the "proud" savage and the
"slave" unite.
To that Lil "black & Injun" boy who grew up like a weed, whose
mom fed his need. Who sat "indian style" all throught elementary
school, And wore baggy pants.Whose odd mixture of Two Great
Blood lines, lead to labels like "morocan,brazilian!?"
To That Lil "black & injun" boy who grew to be a man, neither a slave
or a Savage. That loves both "fried Bread" and "fried chicken" no longer
ignorant to his families displacement.
That is from the heart, I hope you understand me a little bit better, even
if it is just a Lil' bit.
Whose true name left question marks on other black faces.
To that Lil' "injun" boy, Who hurt his knee learning Crow Hop,
Being told by others that he should listen to Hip Hop.
To that lil' "injun" boy who gave up pow wows because they
Were for "real indians", The kind his grandmother had been.
The Type that had Been painted "red" by the media.
To that Lil' "injun" boy Who was neither a noble warrior or
a savage, Whose "mestizo" blood swayed more in one direction
than the other.
To that "Black" boy who had never fit in with the "others" who
shared his history. To that lil "black" boy who spoke a language
that was not the one of his forefathers, And would serve as a constant
reminder of who he wasn't, Neither African or Indian.
Not white, but "white washed" Where the "proud" savage and the
"slave" unite.
To that Lil "black & Injun" boy who grew up like a weed, whose
mom fed his need. Who sat "indian style" all throught elementary
school, And wore baggy pants.Whose odd mixture of Two Great
Blood lines, lead to labels like "morocan,brazilian!?"
To That Lil "black & injun" boy who grew to be a man, neither a slave
or a Savage. That loves both "fried Bread" and "fried chicken" no longer
ignorant to his families displacement.
That is from the heart, I hope you understand me a little bit better, even
if it is just a Lil' bit.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
To the one who was never there(poem) by Shamir Griffin - 20 years old
Current mood: blessed
When i had walked home from my first game
You were never there, when mom cried
And she swallowed her pain and her heart had died
You were never there, As moms gentle lullabies
Had turned into solemn and sincere cries
You were never there. When boys shouted
And in myself i had often doubted
you were never there,When i was silent
And you had left my family without a rimanent
You were never there, When i scraped m knee did you care?
A fathers words so proud and strong, through your abandonment
You were truly wrong.in your arms i did not belong
As mother's screams are loud, i stand tall and proud
You wanted to be there, When i walked the stage
Having grown strong with age, deciding to turn the page.
I had moved forward to a place vast an unknown
Like your prescence in a place you had once called home.
These words are my own, They carry this new tone
And from this i look onward to my true fathers throne,
For he has always guided me, and graced me with divinity.
You were never there, and yes i had noticed
But this is my future, you are free from it.
When i had walked home from my first game
You were never there, when mom cried
And she swallowed her pain and her heart had died
You were never there, As moms gentle lullabies
Had turned into solemn and sincere cries
You were never there. When boys shouted
And in myself i had often doubted
you were never there,When i was silent
And you had left my family without a rimanent
You were never there, When i scraped m knee did you care?
A fathers words so proud and strong, through your abandonment
You were truly wrong.in your arms i did not belong
As mother's screams are loud, i stand tall and proud
You wanted to be there, When i walked the stage
Having grown strong with age, deciding to turn the page.
I had moved forward to a place vast an unknown
Like your prescence in a place you had once called home.
These words are my own, They carry this new tone
And from this i look onward to my true fathers throne,
For he has always guided me, and graced me with divinity.
You were never there, and yes i had noticed
But this is my future, you are free from it.
Friday, January 8, 2010
No son left behind
Hello and welcome to my blog!
My name is Brenda Montgomery and I am the founder of SMAS-Single Mothers and Sons which is a non-profit foundation. I am a divorced, now, Single Mom raising my son all on my own for the past eleven years. If you are a single Mom who is also raising a son, then you are probably no stranger to stress, exhaustion, sacrifice, strength, and determination when it comes to being a single Mom and providing for your son.
According to the most recent data for 2007 from the U.S. Census, 8.4 million boys under 18 were living with a single mother. That’s 22 percent of all boys in that age group in the USA.
My son is now 12 ½ years old and while he enjoys spending time with me, his Mom, he is at the stage where he craves hanging out with his friends and male influences such as his uncles, grandpa and other male role models and mentors where he can really be as physical and rough as he wants.
As my son gets older, I am coming to the realization that he does need that male influence because while I can teach him how to treat a woman, I can't teach how to be a man.
Over the past 12 years, I have talked to many friends, co-workers, church members, family members, neighbors and even strangers who are single moms raising their sons and they have all expressed similar convictions. And because this is such a huge epidemic, I decided that us Moms needed to come together and take a stance and work to reverse the increasing trend of single women raising children with little or no support.
The purpose of this non-profit foundation is to offer emotional and financial support, encouragement and empowerment while addressing many needs of Single Moms Raising Boys, specifically, when there is little or no help from the boys fathers. SMAS is open to all single mothers regardless of race, religion or economic status that are raising their sons alone, whether by choice, widowhood, divorce, legal separation or other circumstances due to absentee fathers .
In addition, we will focus on helping to provide male mentors and role models for our boys as they strive to become successful men. We will also offer educational assistance in tutoring, sports and college scholarships, which is just a few of the many opportunities and help that this foundation will focus on.
Initially, the members (Moms) of SMAS will be located in the following Northern California Bay Area counties : Alameda, Contra Costa, Santa Clara, San Francisco, San Joaquin, Stanislaus and Solano.
Thanks for taking the time to visit and read my blog! I would like to hear your thoughts on being a Single Mom raising a son.
My very best regards,
Brenda Montgomery
My name is Brenda Montgomery and I am the founder of SMAS-Single Mothers and Sons which is a non-profit foundation. I am a divorced, now, Single Mom raising my son all on my own for the past eleven years. If you are a single Mom who is also raising a son, then you are probably no stranger to stress, exhaustion, sacrifice, strength, and determination when it comes to being a single Mom and providing for your son.
According to the most recent data for 2007 from the U.S. Census, 8.4 million boys under 18 were living with a single mother. That’s 22 percent of all boys in that age group in the USA.
My son is now 12 ½ years old and while he enjoys spending time with me, his Mom, he is at the stage where he craves hanging out with his friends and male influences such as his uncles, grandpa and other male role models and mentors where he can really be as physical and rough as he wants.
As my son gets older, I am coming to the realization that he does need that male influence because while I can teach him how to treat a woman, I can't teach how to be a man.
Over the past 12 years, I have talked to many friends, co-workers, church members, family members, neighbors and even strangers who are single moms raising their sons and they have all expressed similar convictions. And because this is such a huge epidemic, I decided that us Moms needed to come together and take a stance and work to reverse the increasing trend of single women raising children with little or no support.
The purpose of this non-profit foundation is to offer emotional and financial support, encouragement and empowerment while addressing many needs of Single Moms Raising Boys, specifically, when there is little or no help from the boys fathers. SMAS is open to all single mothers regardless of race, religion or economic status that are raising their sons alone, whether by choice, widowhood, divorce, legal separation or other circumstances due to absentee fathers .
In addition, we will focus on helping to provide male mentors and role models for our boys as they strive to become successful men. We will also offer educational assistance in tutoring, sports and college scholarships, which is just a few of the many opportunities and help that this foundation will focus on.
Initially, the members (Moms) of SMAS will be located in the following Northern California Bay Area counties : Alameda, Contra Costa, Santa Clara, San Francisco, San Joaquin, Stanislaus and Solano.
Thanks for taking the time to visit and read my blog! I would like to hear your thoughts on being a Single Mom raising a son.
My very best regards,
Brenda Montgomery
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
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