Lessons In Being Dad

Posted on 30. Mar, 2010 by Jay Timms in Blog, Communication, Parenting, Relationships, School Years, Teens, Visit Our Blog

I have never been accused of being politically correct. This is one of those times. Buckle up and let’s take a look at what it means to be a man.

Being a dad sucks. Some days things are absolutely perfect, and then others you feel like your heart is being sucked out of your eyeballs. But we are dads.

I want to take a second and talk to all the dads out there about our jobs. Not what we get paid for. What we are designed for. What we are driven to do. I think that many of us have lost the essence of what it means to be a real dad. In the 40’s and 50’s Beaver Cleaver” era, there was a stereotype of what it meant to be a man. I am sad to say that I think that that stereotype exists today. Dad’s work and leave the kids for the women to take care of. Something that makes me sad is the number of dads who come out to my seminars when I present on how to raise teenagers. It has been my experience that more often than not, my seminars are filled with women with a smattering of men sprinkled in. These men become absolute rock stars because the women in the room are ALWAYS looking at them thinking, “What an awesome man”. They could be butt ugly, but every woman in the room looks at them with respect and googly eyes wondering how “she” got “him”. When I ask these lonely women where their partners are, I often will get a shrug, and a “He couldn’t make it” or some other excuse. He couldn’t make it? He couldn’t take 2 hours out of his life to come and learn how to create a relationship that can be one of the most fulfilling things in the world? Guys! Come on! Don’t you DARE send your child to me and say, “They have problems. Can you please fix them?” No, I can’t. I won’t do it because they aren’t the ones that are broken.

I absolutely plead with you, dads…recognize how much you children need you. They need you. We as fathers have a solemn responsibility to love and care for our children. It is a privilege to be given the opportunity to take these little spirits and help them to become the most amazing creations. They need you to lead them, guide them, and walk beside them, teaching them everything you know. They cannot do it without you. When you look at your daughter in her gymnastics class, or your son on the football field, recognize that you have created this bundle of bones. They are yours. They are the most valuable thing that you will ever have in your lives because long after you are gone, they will be all that left of you here.

When your son says goodnight to you and tells you how much he loves you, it is because he does. If your children don’t tell you that they love you, check and see how much you are saying it to them. Stop being uncomfortable with being an active part of their lives. It is NOT acceptable to be non-existent in their lives any more. You want to know why your kids don’t listen to you or why they talk back? Because you haven’t given them a reason to respect you. “My kids listen to me because they know who is boss”. That is a bunch of crap. Your kids listen to you because they are scared of you. Not because you give them a reason to want to listen to you.

Come on boys! It is time to re-define what it means to be a man. Drop the bravado and the macho attitude and get down on the floor and play with the Barbie’s. Put your arm around your teenage son and tell him how you know what it is like to have your heart broken. Be what they need. Be a man.